After an year and a city away

A Christmas and an Easter have gone by since I posted my last blog. Life has gone through so many twists and turns and a very painful loss over this period. And here I am in Bangalore, after four years.

My friends back in Kochi keeps asking 'How is Bangalore?" What do I say, "Ok", "Good", "Crowded", "Colourful"? I guess, it is a mixture of everything. The one thing I love absolutely about the city - its trees. They are so divine. In Cubbon Park, you can't see the sun, they form a benevolent canopy over you. In Lal Bagh, you see them all shapes and sizes, the trunk of one is almost as big as our apartment. And the ones that line the roads, they are such a pleasure. I particularly love the ones in Jaya Nagar. In the busier parts of the city, there is a stretch on the old airport road where you are suddenly transported into a surreal world you almost don't hear the incessant honking from the drivers behind you.

Then there is the shopping (can you see that excited and wicked gleam in my eyes?). I am a compulsive shopper and ardent mall-o-maniac. Every road you take, there is a mall and there is some sale or other going on. The little bit of bank balance that I have dwindles day by day, but who cares!

The best part about the city - the people. Don't raise your eyebrows. No one cares what you do and how you look. Absolute "bindaas" is the way to be here. Walk around in your pajamas right out of your bed, no one bothers. Maybe the only thing that might get a second look might be a two-piece bikini. Sometimes I wonder about that too.

Yes, the weather too. Extremely hot during day, you feel as if you are roasted alive, dry. The slight breeze that comes in every evening is heavenly, especially after the sultry Kochi evenings.

Not everything is picture perfect and hunky dory, but today I am in a mood for good things only. And I promise myself to blog more often.

Dear Santa

A message forwarded from one mother to another. The Post Script is the best.

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother,"because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don' t catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM...

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my request s if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

A new breed

The world of mobile phones jumped into our lives just about a decade ago. The ubiquitous accessory that it is today was a luxury in those not too far off days. I had joined the booming telecom industry in those earlier days itself. A cosmopolitan work culture right here in the orthodox malayali land was too good to resist. The crowd was very young, right from the Circle Head down. Majority of them were Keralites who had been out of Kerala and now back home. A malayali who has been out of his homeland is a reformed person and it was pure fun working with them. Left the organization seven years back, but has been in touch with many of them, not in the least due to the fact that my husband still works there.

The past few years have seen many of them moving back out of Kerala. The reason, as always, lack of growth opportunities here. It is simple – “You need to move up? Get Out.” The higher you go, the pressure is even high. Unless you move on, the ones below cannot come up. Where do these constant moves leave the wives and kids? Earlier, the answer was easy – the pack followed the leader. Things, they definitely are changing now.

S, my ex- colleague V’s wife has a well-established consultancy in Cochin. They had been here for almost a decade. Then came the end of the ladder for V and he decided to move to Bangalore. S was excited that she could open another office there. Before the family could join him, came another move for V, this time to Mumbai. After much deliberation and visits to Mumbai, S has decided to stay back. I talked to her a few weeks ago. Her reasoning is simple “I worked so hard for this. How can I just leave it all and go? Maybe I can do something like this there too. But again, that will be from scratch. And what is the guarantee he won’t move somewhere else soon?” Her parents are dead against her decision, but she has decided to give it a try. So S with two kids here and V visiting them every weekend.

Then there is J and his wife S. He had at least five moves in the three years I worked with him. S was a kindergarten teacher who just adored kids. Just as she got comfortable in a school, a move would happen to J. She tagged along wherever he went. Then came a five-year stint in Cochin again. S did some professional courses and is established in her work today. And then the inevitable happened. But S has decided to stay back. Their only son started his professional course and he is somewhere else. Theirs is a truly national family now. Father, mother and son in three different states.

We met H and his wife R yesterday. Yes, H will also be on the move soon. R says, if she can manage to get a long leave, she’ll go. Resign?, no way. Again, it will be R and kids here and H elsewhere.

A new breed of women is emerging here. Maybe in the metros they have already been there for long. This is a new class, who knows their mind and is ready to follow their heart and intellect, striking a balance between their dreams and that of their family. They work, not because they have to, but because they want to. Maybe they have realized that “you can make those around you happy only if you are happy with yourself”.

I for one, know it for a fact.

Back into the Night

Except for a few nocturnal souls like me, almost everyone has a skeptical look on their face when I tell them my work timings – four in the evening to one in the night. For me, nothing could have been better. I don’t have much to complain about my health, my wealth is limited to my friends and family and I hope age will make me wiser. No point being early to bed and early to rise just to make me healthy, wealthy and wise.

Even I was a little apprehensive when I started these timings two years back. But my logic was simple. When my son started school, I wanted to be with him for a few days, get him ready in the morning without me also being in a hurry and be there when he got back from school. And whenever he had some programme in school, I did not want to choose between a deadline at work and my anxious son at school. As an added bonus, after a few hours sleep in the morning, I would have plenty of time for shopping or whatever I wanted to do. The fact that I was lucky enough to get an excellent maid has also helped me no end. (All of us workingwomen are so much dependent on them, I need to write another post on this).

It has worked out pretty well for both of us. Now with another baby, the questions started nagging me much before she was even born. Knowing me, my managers had told me just to get back and they would work out the most convenient timings and project for me. Kept my fingers crossed till Naomi was born. And everyone kept telling me the second child would be exact opposite of the first one. Georgie was a very calm baby and as long as his stomach was happy he would also be happy. So, there I was, expecting a thunderstorm in my hand every night. The first few days were kind of peaceful. Now everyone said you would know the real nature of the baby after the first week. To cut a long story short, she has been as calm as her brother till now, thank God and touch wood. By the second month, I had decided to give the same timing a try.

Got back to work a week ago. Naomi had absolutely no issues. She had got used bottle-feed in a week, had started solids also, so food was not an issue, neither was sleep. In two days I could make out, she would not be a trouble to anyone. She would be awake in the mornings and I could get some relaxing time, feeding, bathing and playing with her.

But me at work was another matter altogether. Eight months of sleep whenever and wherever I felt like had made me a sleepaholic. One hour at my desk and I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was a walking zombie. Next day, or should I say night, was no better. My two friends who just couldn’t wait for me to get back was like, hey, what is wrong with you, you are not the same anymore. At 11 the following day, one of my team members told me very quietly, “Bindu, carrying you is not an easy proposition, so why don’t you just go to some corner and catch a few winks”.


I was getting jittery but by Thursday things started getting better. I guess it was just my 'old' body getting back intoa forgotten rhythm. By Friday, it was the same old me. So here I am, back in the graveyard shift again and enjoying it thoroughly.

To be or not to be

Another four days and I'll be back to work after eight months. I still do not know how I got through the first five months – hospital, bed rest, back pain – was literally counting the minutes and hours as it went by. And, I do not know how the last three also went off, it was as if everything was on fast forward mode. Can’t believe Naomi is three months already.

Almost everyone who knew me years back took me to be this fiercely ambitious, highly competitive, hard-nosed career woman. The decision to take a break from work after marriage came as a shock even to my family. I could never imagine having to compromise either at work or at home. So I thought, ok, one thing at a time, let me see how things go. Basked in the newfound freedom for the first six months. Then started the boredom, then frustration. Before I could go mad, my son came. The following two years just whizzed past me.

Once he turned a year old, started working part time. A small CA firm, I could come and go as I pleased, just needed to put in four hours a day somehow and the proprietor could boast of a qualified person on his rolls. Worked out fine for both of us. Work was no great shakes, not that I expected it to be, it was something to get out of the house and meet some people.

Then came the shift to northern end of Kerala and a year of absolute frustration. Couldn’t imagine working in another small town firm. But there were plenty of apprehensions about a full time job as well. Did not want to compromise on my son’s happiness. That is when the BPO idea started taking root. Get something where I could work at night, and I get to spend time with him. After months of search and several interviews, got something I liked first in Bangalore and then shifted to Kochi. It has worked out pretty well for both of us.

Now, the same doubts and questions go through my mind when I think of leaving my baby at home. Will she miss me, am I being to fair to such a small thing, the apprehensions never end. The look of absolute dejection on her face as I try to get her used to bottle-feed is tugging at my heart throughout. She starts with a small wail, gulps in a few drops, barely enough to satisfy her hunger and then starts the vociferous protest. But slowly, I can see her getting used to it, as if she realizes she has no choice.

Should I take another break? After the first break it took me almost two years to find something, which suited mine and my family’s needs. It was not a perfect solution, but the best compromise that I could make. A fine balance between what I wanted professionally and personally. If I take another break now, it will be even more difficult to get back, and before long I would have passed that fine threshold between youth and middle age. But what about my baby, how will it affect her?

Career woman with no thoughts other than work, full time home maker, working part time, doing something on my own, balancing act between work and family – been through it all. Not doing something makes me an absolute grouch and it will rub on to the kids also. And I realize this is the best I can do. There is someone to look after the kids, I have a somewhat flexible work schedule and a five-day week. And I get time to spend with my baby during the day.

I realize this is something each working mother goes through every day of her life. At least I have been blessed with so many things. A good maid, my in-laws at home to oversee her and if needed, an option to quit and be a full time mom again. There are so many out there who have to work, come what may, leaving their kids at someone else’s mercy, struggling to make both ends meet. Let me be thankful for what I have and do the best I can.

Someday...

Dream not,
Need not,
Sing not,
Want not,
And you shall never cry.

But, what is life without
A dream come true,
A need fulfilled,
A song from the heart,
A want taken care of.

So, here we are,
Dreaming, though it may all be shattered,
Needing, though unfulfilled,
Singing, even if there is none to hear,
Wanting, hoping it will be taken care of,
Someday.....

Simple Things

warm clothes dried in the sun after days of rain...

a couple of hours sleep when i feel like it...

watching rain blowing away in the wind....

listening to my son's tales after school...

a dish well turned out and relished by my loved ones...

watching harry potter movies....

the radiant smile on my baby's face as she wakes up in the morning...

just lazing around now and then...

seemingly simple things, yet words are not enough to describe the joy it gives....

Neighbour across the river

The inevitable question whenever I tell anyone I am from Kavalam - "Is it near Kavalam Narayana Panikker's house?"
And the usual reply, “Not really, you have to go slightly interior, across the river. But, I have seen his house” (Yeah, in movies, I add in my mind)

There is this old house opposite to ours, right across the river, which was said to belong to his family. From the time I can remember, one doctor or other used to stay there. The last one was there for almost ten years. He used to come out to the “kadavu” for an evening stroll everyday. We teased our grandmother saying her boy friend was out to see her. A few years back, when I went home, the house seemed to be empty. My mother said the person who sold the house to the doctor had cheated him and the property was in dispute. Kavalam’s family finally won it back and no one was staying there then. The house wore a deserted look for many a visit after that.

Went home a month back after a year. Whitewashed, neatly fenced, with a brand new ‘padippura’ , the house wore the typical look of an ancestral home. Seeing my questioning look, mummy said, “Guess who owns it - Kavalam Narayana Panikker. He is rarely there though.” During my one-month stay at home, I even saw him once, in his trademark ‘mundu’ and long jubba.

Now, if someone asks me the same question, I can reply non-chalantly, “Oh yeah, he stays right across to us.” (and add in my mind, ‘across the river’)

Beauty and Brains

One of the eligible bachelors in office to the HR Manager, "Your recruitment practices need to be revamped completely."

An indignant HR Manager, "Why, what is wrong with it? We have the best people."

"We need more good looking females here, yaar."

Our no-nonsense, conscientious DGM, "But good looking girls, do they work?"

Two of us, who takes any reference against women as a personal affront, "Hello, what do you mean? What about us?"

The DGM, in all earnestness, "But I meant good looking girls."

Huh ?!!

Compliment or......?

`

Another session:-

One of the Team Leaders watching a particularly pretty new comer with a characteristic Christian name, "These Christain ladies have such good skin and hair."

Then looking at one of us sitting right in front of him, "Of course there are exceptions, like the two of you."

Ahem....

`

What we say :-

These guys are so overwhelmed by our brains. They don't realize what beauties we actually are!!

"Like the Flowing River"

Loved "The Alchemist". Got hooked on to Paulo Coelho reading "Veronica Decides to Die". He is one writer who pens the most profound of thoughts in the simplest of words.

'

"Like the Flowing River" is a collection of his thoughts on spirituality, people, life in general. There are a few reproduciotns of his earlier writings too. Not attempting a review here, I am too ordinary a mortal to even think of it. Just wanted to share something which really caught my thoughts in this book.

"Beacuse it has lived its life intensely

the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by.

The flowers merely flower,

and they do this as well as they can.

The white lily, blooming unseen in the valley,

Does not need to explain itself to anyone;

It lives merely for beauty.

Men, however, cannot accept that 'merely'.

'

If tomatoes wanted to be melons,

they would look completely ridiculous.

I am always amazed

that so many people are concerned

with wanting to be what they are not;

what's the point of making yourself look ridiculous?

'

You don't always have to pretend to be strong,

there's no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,

you shouldn't be concerned about what other people are thinking,

cry if you need to,

it's good to cry out all your tears

because only then will you be able to smile again."

(written by Mitsuo Aida, a Japanese poet and calligrapher)

Realized early on in life that it is impossible and impractical to please everyone in everything you do. Do what you think is right, if possible without causing pain to your dearest ones. It's been working for me, at peace with myself most of the times - always is impossible, 'coz I have too many loved ones and a few whom I love too much!!

'

Being true to myself is also really difficult many a time. A strong stubborn streak sometimes stands in the way between me and how I behave. Got to get a hold on that.