Except for a few nocturnal souls like me, almost everyone has a skeptical look on their face when I tell them my work timings – four in the evening to one in the night. For me, nothing could have been better. I don’t have much to complain about my health, my wealth is limited to my friends and family and I hope age will make me wiser. No point being early to bed and early to rise just to make me healthy, wealthy and wise.
Even I was a little apprehensive when I started these timings two years back. But my logic was simple. When my son started school, I wanted to be with him for a few days, get him ready in the morning without me also being in a hurry and be there when he got back from school. And whenever he had some programme in school, I did not want to choose between a deadline at work and my anxious son at school. As an added bonus, after a few hours sleep in the morning, I would have plenty of time for shopping or whatever I wanted to do. The fact that I was lucky enough to get an excellent maid has also helped me no end. (All of us workingwomen are so much dependent on them, I need to write another post on this).
It has worked out pretty well for both of us. Now with another baby, the questions started nagging me much before she was even born. Knowing me, my managers had told me just to get back and they would work out the most convenient timings and project for me. Kept my fingers crossed till Naomi was born. And everyone kept telling me the second child would be exact opposite of the first one. Georgie was a very calm baby and as long as his stomach was happy he would also be happy. So, there I was, expecting a thunderstorm in my hand every night. The first few days were kind of peaceful. Now everyone said you would know the real nature of the baby after the first week. To cut a long story short, she has been as calm as her brother till now, thank God and touch wood. By the second month, I had decided to give the same timing a try.
Got back to work a week ago. Naomi had absolutely no issues. She had got used bottle-feed in a week, had started solids also, so food was not an issue, neither was sleep. In two days I could make out, she would not be a trouble to anyone. She would be awake in the mornings and I could get some relaxing time, feeding, bathing and playing with her.
But me at work was another matter altogether. Eight months of sleep whenever and wherever I felt like had made me a sleepaholic. One hour at my desk and I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was a walking zombie. Next day, or should I say night, was no better. My two friends who just couldn’t wait for me to get back was like, hey, what is wrong with you, you are not the same anymore. At 11 the following day, one of my team members told me very quietly, “Bindu, carrying you is not an easy proposition, so why don’t you just go to some corner and catch a few winks”.
I was getting jittery but by Thursday things started getting better. I guess it was just my 'old' body getting back intoa forgotten rhythm. By Friday, it was the same old me. So here I am, back in the graveyard shift again and enjoying it thoroughly.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
To be or not to be
Another four days and I'll be back to work after eight months. I still do not know how I got through the first five months – hospital, bed rest, back pain – was literally counting the minutes and hours as it went by. And, I do not know how the last three also went off, it was as if everything was on fast forward mode. Can’t believe Naomi is three months already.
Almost everyone who knew me years back took me to be this fiercely ambitious, highly competitive, hard-nosed career woman. The decision to take a break from work after marriage came as a shock even to my family. I could never imagine having to compromise either at work or at home. So I thought, ok, one thing at a time, let me see how things go. Basked in the newfound freedom for the first six months. Then started the boredom, then frustration. Before I could go mad, my son came. The following two years just whizzed past me.
Once he turned a year old, started working part time. A small CA firm, I could come and go as I pleased, just needed to put in four hours a day somehow and the proprietor could boast of a qualified person on his rolls. Worked out fine for both of us. Work was no great shakes, not that I expected it to be, it was something to get out of the house and meet some people.
Then came the shift to northern end of Kerala and a year of absolute frustration. Couldn’t imagine working in another small town firm. But there were plenty of apprehensions about a full time job as well. Did not want to compromise on my son’s happiness. That is when the BPO idea started taking root. Get something where I could work at night, and I get to spend time with him. After months of search and several interviews, got something I liked first in Bangalore and then shifted to Kochi. It has worked out pretty well for both of us.
Now, the same doubts and questions go through my mind when I think of leaving my baby at home. Will she miss me, am I being to fair to such a small thing, the apprehensions never end. The look of absolute dejection on her face as I try to get her used to bottle-feed is tugging at my heart throughout. She starts with a small wail, gulps in a few drops, barely enough to satisfy her hunger and then starts the vociferous protest. But slowly, I can see her getting used to it, as if she realizes she has no choice.
Should I take another break? After the first break it took me almost two years to find something, which suited mine and my family’s needs. It was not a perfect solution, but the best compromise that I could make. A fine balance between what I wanted professionally and personally. If I take another break now, it will be even more difficult to get back, and before long I would have passed that fine threshold between youth and middle age. But what about my baby, how will it affect her?
Career woman with no thoughts other than work, full time home maker, working part time, doing something on my own, balancing act between work and family – been through it all. Not doing something makes me an absolute grouch and it will rub on to the kids also. And I realize this is the best I can do. There is someone to look after the kids, I have a somewhat flexible work schedule and a five-day week. And I get time to spend with my baby during the day.
I realize this is something each working mother goes through every day of her life. At least I have been blessed with so many things. A good maid, my in-laws at home to oversee her and if needed, an option to quit and be a full time mom again. There are so many out there who have to work, come what may, leaving their kids at someone else’s mercy, struggling to make both ends meet. Let me be thankful for what I have and do the best I can.
Almost everyone who knew me years back took me to be this fiercely ambitious, highly competitive, hard-nosed career woman. The decision to take a break from work after marriage came as a shock even to my family. I could never imagine having to compromise either at work or at home. So I thought, ok, one thing at a time, let me see how things go. Basked in the newfound freedom for the first six months. Then started the boredom, then frustration. Before I could go mad, my son came. The following two years just whizzed past me.
Once he turned a year old, started working part time. A small CA firm, I could come and go as I pleased, just needed to put in four hours a day somehow and the proprietor could boast of a qualified person on his rolls. Worked out fine for both of us. Work was no great shakes, not that I expected it to be, it was something to get out of the house and meet some people.
Then came the shift to northern end of Kerala and a year of absolute frustration. Couldn’t imagine working in another small town firm. But there were plenty of apprehensions about a full time job as well. Did not want to compromise on my son’s happiness. That is when the BPO idea started taking root. Get something where I could work at night, and I get to spend time with him. After months of search and several interviews, got something I liked first in Bangalore and then shifted to Kochi. It has worked out pretty well for both of us.
Now, the same doubts and questions go through my mind when I think of leaving my baby at home. Will she miss me, am I being to fair to such a small thing, the apprehensions never end. The look of absolute dejection on her face as I try to get her used to bottle-feed is tugging at my heart throughout. She starts with a small wail, gulps in a few drops, barely enough to satisfy her hunger and then starts the vociferous protest. But slowly, I can see her getting used to it, as if she realizes she has no choice.
Should I take another break? After the first break it took me almost two years to find something, which suited mine and my family’s needs. It was not a perfect solution, but the best compromise that I could make. A fine balance between what I wanted professionally and personally. If I take another break now, it will be even more difficult to get back, and before long I would have passed that fine threshold between youth and middle age. But what about my baby, how will it affect her?
Career woman with no thoughts other than work, full time home maker, working part time, doing something on my own, balancing act between work and family – been through it all. Not doing something makes me an absolute grouch and it will rub on to the kids also. And I realize this is the best I can do. There is someone to look after the kids, I have a somewhat flexible work schedule and a five-day week. And I get time to spend with my baby during the day.
I realize this is something each working mother goes through every day of her life. At least I have been blessed with so many things. A good maid, my in-laws at home to oversee her and if needed, an option to quit and be a full time mom again. There are so many out there who have to work, come what may, leaving their kids at someone else’s mercy, struggling to make both ends meet. Let me be thankful for what I have and do the best I can.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Someday...
Dream not,
Need not,
Sing not,
Want not,
And you shall never cry.
But, what is life without
A dream come true,
A need fulfilled,
A song from the heart,
A want taken care of.
So, here we are,
Dreaming, though it may all be shattered,
Needing, though unfulfilled,
Singing, even if there is none to hear,
Wanting, hoping it will be taken care of,
Someday.....
Need not,
Sing not,
Want not,
And you shall never cry.
But, what is life without
A dream come true,
A need fulfilled,
A song from the heart,
A want taken care of.
So, here we are,
Dreaming, though it may all be shattered,
Needing, though unfulfilled,
Singing, even if there is none to hear,
Wanting, hoping it will be taken care of,
Someday.....
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Simple Things
warm clothes dried in the sun after days of rain...
a couple of hours sleep when i feel like it...
watching rain blowing away in the wind....
listening to my son's tales after school...
a dish well turned out and relished by my loved ones...
watching harry potter movies....
the radiant smile on my baby's face as she wakes up in the morning...
just lazing around now and then...
seemingly simple things, yet words are not enough to describe the joy it gives....
a couple of hours sleep when i feel like it...
watching rain blowing away in the wind....
listening to my son's tales after school...
a dish well turned out and relished by my loved ones...
watching harry potter movies....
the radiant smile on my baby's face as she wakes up in the morning...
just lazing around now and then...
seemingly simple things, yet words are not enough to describe the joy it gives....
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Neighbour across the river
The inevitable question whenever I tell anyone I am from Kavalam - "Is it near Kavalam Narayana Panikker's house?"
And the usual reply, “Not really, you have to go slightly interior, across the river. But, I have seen his house” (Yeah, in movies, I add in my mind)
There is this old house opposite to ours, right across the river, which was said to belong to his family. From the time I can remember, one doctor or other used to stay there. The last one was there for almost ten years. He used to come out to the “kadavu” for an evening stroll everyday. We teased our grandmother saying her boy friend was out to see her. A few years back, when I went home, the house seemed to be empty. My mother said the person who sold the house to the doctor had cheated him and the property was in dispute. Kavalam’s family finally won it back and no one was staying there then. The house wore a deserted look for many a visit after that.
Went home a month back after a year. Whitewashed, neatly fenced, with a brand new ‘padippura’ , the house wore the typical look of an ancestral home. Seeing my questioning look, mummy said, “Guess who owns it - Kavalam Narayana Panikker. He is rarely there though.” During my one-month stay at home, I even saw him once, in his trademark ‘mundu’ and long jubba.
Now, if someone asks me the same question, I can reply non-chalantly, “Oh yeah, he stays right across to us.” (and add in my mind, ‘across the river’)
And the usual reply, “Not really, you have to go slightly interior, across the river. But, I have seen his house” (Yeah, in movies, I add in my mind)
There is this old house opposite to ours, right across the river, which was said to belong to his family. From the time I can remember, one doctor or other used to stay there. The last one was there for almost ten years. He used to come out to the “kadavu” for an evening stroll everyday. We teased our grandmother saying her boy friend was out to see her. A few years back, when I went home, the house seemed to be empty. My mother said the person who sold the house to the doctor had cheated him and the property was in dispute. Kavalam’s family finally won it back and no one was staying there then. The house wore a deserted look for many a visit after that.
Went home a month back after a year. Whitewashed, neatly fenced, with a brand new ‘padippura’ , the house wore the typical look of an ancestral home. Seeing my questioning look, mummy said, “Guess who owns it - Kavalam Narayana Panikker. He is rarely there though.” During my one-month stay at home, I even saw him once, in his trademark ‘mundu’ and long jubba.
Now, if someone asks me the same question, I can reply non-chalantly, “Oh yeah, he stays right across to us.” (and add in my mind, ‘across the river’)
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Beauty and Brains
One of the eligible bachelors in office to the HR Manager, "Your recruitment practices need to be revamped completely."
An indignant HR Manager, "Why, what is wrong with it? We have the best people."
"We need more good looking females here, yaar."
Our no-nonsense, conscientious DGM, "But good looking girls, do they work?"
Two of us, who takes any reference against women as a personal affront, "Hello, what do you mean? What about us?"
The DGM, in all earnestness, "But I meant good looking girls."
Huh ?!!
Compliment or......?
`
Another session:-
One of the Team Leaders watching a particularly pretty new comer with a characteristic Christian name, "These Christain ladies have such good skin and hair."
Then looking at one of us sitting right in front of him, "Of course there are exceptions, like the two of you."
Ahem....
`
What we say :-
These guys are so overwhelmed by our brains. They don't realize what beauties we actually are!!
Friday, June 29, 2007
"Like the Flowing River"
Loved "The Alchemist". Got hooked on to Paulo Coelho reading "Veronica Decides to Die". He is one writer who pens the most profound of thoughts in the simplest of words.
'
"Like the Flowing River" is a collection of his thoughts on spirituality, people, life in general. There are a few reproduciotns of his earlier writings too. Not attempting a review here, I am too ordinary a mortal to even think of it. Just wanted to share something which really caught my thoughts in this book.
"Beacuse it has lived its life intensely
the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by.
The flowers merely flower,
and they do this as well as they can.
The white lily, blooming unseen in the valley,
Does not need to explain itself to anyone;
It lives merely for beauty.
Men, however, cannot accept that 'merely'.
'
If tomatoes wanted to be melons,
they would look completely ridiculous.
I am always amazed
that so many people are concerned
with wanting to be what they are not;
what's the point of making yourself look ridiculous?
'
You don't always have to pretend to be strong,
there's no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,
you shouldn't be concerned about what other people are thinking,
cry if you need to,
it's good to cry out all your tears
because only then will you be able to smile again."
(written by Mitsuo Aida, a Japanese poet and calligrapher)
Realized early on in life that it is impossible and impractical to please everyone in everything you do. Do what you think is right, if possible without causing pain to your dearest ones. It's been working for me, at peace with myself most of the times - always is impossible, 'coz I have too many loved ones and a few whom I love too much!!
'
Being true to myself is also really difficult many a time. A strong stubborn streak sometimes stands in the way between me and how I behave. Got to get a hold on that.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Discovering girls already?
Yesterday was color dress day for my 5 year old son in school. He went in his favorite t-shirt with a hood.
"Amma, everyone was pulling at my t-shirt today", as soon as he got out of the van.
Trying to pacify him, "Maybe because they liked it".
"No amma, it was not the girls who pulled it, only boys!!"
Girls when they like it and boys when they don't ??!!!!
"Amma, everyone was pulling at my t-shirt today", as soon as he got out of the van.
Trying to pacify him, "Maybe because they liked it".
"No amma, it was not the girls who pulled it, only boys!!"
Girls when they like it and boys when they don't ??!!!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Why do boys have all the fun ?
A few weeks back, one Wednesday, my husband calls up from office and tells me "I am going on a trip to Silent Valley on Saturday". I was like, "Huh?" Vagamon was just two weeks back and another one, so soon?
Well, he is this auto crazy guy, anything and everything with wheels is his passion and he had joined an online community of even crazier guys sometime back. You have to go through the discussions they have, to believe it. They have regular get-togethers and one of them came up with this wonderful idea of driving their beauties through a forest with no roads, in the monsoon. Envy was not the word to describe my feeling when I heard it.
There was this person from Coimbatore with a farmhouse somewhere in the middle of a pristine forest and he had thrown open its doors to some 18-20 of them, many of them absolute strangers to him. A couple of others organized the food, barbecue, drinks, beds, blanket and God knows what else. They had the time of their lives and I have no words to describe the place. The stories and pictures are out there in http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/team-bhp-meet-section/25027-monsoon-meet-hills-4.html (mansidea is my man, by the way)
A few years back, four of us friends wanted to get together in some place. Two of us were in Kottayam and the other two in Kochi. It took us almost a year to find a date convenient to all. One’s husband would have a problem, the next one had a PTA meeting, other’s kid fell ill, the list of reasons was endless. Finally we managed to meet, drove to Alleppey in the morning and got back in the evening. And there these guys are, deciding, planning, organizing, executing, all in a matter of a few days. Don’t blame me if I turn green whenever I think of it.
Are there any communities, online or otherwise, where women of similar interests get together, I wonder. For a majority of women, interests are limited to family, children, dress, jewellery, cooking. Do not misunderstand me; I am not being judgmental here. That is just the way things are. So it is no surprise, I guess, why it is so difficult to find such forums anywhere. Or is it that I am such a frog in the well, I do not know what is happening outside.
Now, let me imagine there actually is such a thing and someone organizes something like this. Would I be able to go off, just like that? Without even the need to think, the answer is an outright no. And it is not a bitter or reluctant denial. Reminds me of something my friend had told me sometime back. She had this great guy for a boss who treated her like a long lost daughter. He was always urging her to learn as much as she could before getting married because “Now, your time is yours only. After marriage, you are lucky if you get 50% of it for yourself. First kid, it is down to almost 15%. Two kids, it will be a miracle if you can manage a couple of hours a week just for you”.
Another friend of mine with two school going kids and a busy husband came out with this classic quote “For men, family is something they occasionally get back to and for women, it is something they occasionally get out of”.
There has always been wanderlust in me. However impractical I know it is, my greatest dream still is a trek in the Himalayas, all alone – just me and the mountains and streams and valleys and flowers and trees and sheep. If I were a guy, it would have happened long back, I’m sure. And just for that freedom to travel whenever, wherever and however I feel like, God, let me be a man in my next birth, please…..
Well, he is this auto crazy guy, anything and everything with wheels is his passion and he had joined an online community of even crazier guys sometime back. You have to go through the discussions they have, to believe it. They have regular get-togethers and one of them came up with this wonderful idea of driving their beauties through a forest with no roads, in the monsoon. Envy was not the word to describe my feeling when I heard it.
There was this person from Coimbatore with a farmhouse somewhere in the middle of a pristine forest and he had thrown open its doors to some 18-20 of them, many of them absolute strangers to him. A couple of others organized the food, barbecue, drinks, beds, blanket and God knows what else. They had the time of their lives and I have no words to describe the place. The stories and pictures are out there in http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/team-bhp-meet-section/25027-monsoon-meet-hills-4.html (mansidea is my man, by the way)
A few years back, four of us friends wanted to get together in some place. Two of us were in Kottayam and the other two in Kochi. It took us almost a year to find a date convenient to all. One’s husband would have a problem, the next one had a PTA meeting, other’s kid fell ill, the list of reasons was endless. Finally we managed to meet, drove to Alleppey in the morning and got back in the evening. And there these guys are, deciding, planning, organizing, executing, all in a matter of a few days. Don’t blame me if I turn green whenever I think of it.
Are there any communities, online or otherwise, where women of similar interests get together, I wonder. For a majority of women, interests are limited to family, children, dress, jewellery, cooking. Do not misunderstand me; I am not being judgmental here. That is just the way things are. So it is no surprise, I guess, why it is so difficult to find such forums anywhere. Or is it that I am such a frog in the well, I do not know what is happening outside.
Now, let me imagine there actually is such a thing and someone organizes something like this. Would I be able to go off, just like that? Without even the need to think, the answer is an outright no. And it is not a bitter or reluctant denial. Reminds me of something my friend had told me sometime back. She had this great guy for a boss who treated her like a long lost daughter. He was always urging her to learn as much as she could before getting married because “Now, your time is yours only. After marriage, you are lucky if you get 50% of it for yourself. First kid, it is down to almost 15%. Two kids, it will be a miracle if you can manage a couple of hours a week just for you”.
Another friend of mine with two school going kids and a busy husband came out with this classic quote “For men, family is something they occasionally get back to and for women, it is something they occasionally get out of”.
There has always been wanderlust in me. However impractical I know it is, my greatest dream still is a trek in the Himalayas, all alone – just me and the mountains and streams and valleys and flowers and trees and sheep. If I were a guy, it would have happened long back, I’m sure. And just for that freedom to travel whenever, wherever and however I feel like, God, let me be a man in my next birth, please…..
Monday, June 25, 2007
Home, sweet home
Fresh air, loving care and yummy food, the stay at home was too short. Back in the city for about a month and still trying to get back into the groove. Going back is impractical I know, but the longing is too much sometimes. But then, we always long for what we cannot have or what we have lost, I guess.
Can't imagine there was a time when I hated the simplicity of that place. Life has come a full circle now.
Can't imagine there was a time when I hated the simplicity of that place. Life has come a full circle now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)