First Tag :-)

Thank you so much Nancy, for my first ever tag!! I know it's been delayed, too many things happening in my life :-(

Thinking of 10 things that tax me emotionally has left me totally taxed. Unpleasant memories are such a drain on the mind and heart. Anyway, here goes -

1. Manipulative people who gets things done on the sly and then pretend that they didn't do anything - I just hate them

2. Unruly kids and parents who behave as though there is nothing unusual about it.

3. Men who still think anything and everything at home is the lady's duty irrespective of whether they are working or not, tired or not. Forget about lending a helping hand, if things do not go as they want, they raise hell as well.

4. Hypochondriacs

5. People who keep talking about their rights and turn a deaf ear when someone tries to talk to them about their duty.

6. Friends and family who expect you to be there anytime, anywhere, at their convenience.

7. Having to suppress my anger for the sake of domestic peace (grrrrr...)

8. Infidelity. Especially those who think a so called harmless fling is alright. And they say they love and care for their partners and that they cannot live without each other. I can never understand this. If you love and care for someone, how can you do something that will hurt them to the core?

9. People who go overboard with showing off their piousness but are not so saintly inside. Sometimes they honestly think there is nothing wrong in anything they do, the whole fault is with the others.

10. Drivers who go slow on the right lane on highways. If you overtake them, they suddenly wake up and then it is do or die race. If it is a woman who has overtaken them... the less said the better.

The tag now goes to....
Sreeram
Mathew

Willow Tree

How many times in our life have we been totally awed by the sheer simplicity and beauty of a work of art? I for one am insanely jealous of people who churn out paintings, sculptures, stories, songs with ease.

Of all the pictures and real pieces of art that I've seen, one that I go back to time and often are the 'Willow Tree' figurines and plaques. The grace and poise of these sculptures are to be seen to be believed.

The first time I came across one of them was on my visit to a client location in the US, in a small shop dealing mainly with Christian artefacts. I stood there dumbstruck and wanted to buy the whole range. The next day we went to the client Main Office and there were a few more in their shopping center. The look of joy and longing on my face must have been very evident. Next day morning, there was a small gift box on my table and thus came the first angel into my life and the angel collection is my favorite till date (thanks J for that wonderful gift).

The family collection conveys so many feelings and emotions without as much as a word. Especially touching are the 'mother and child 'ones.

Each original sculpture is handcrafted by the artist Susan Lordi. Pieces are then cast from the original carving and individually painted by hand. The amazing thing is how each one resembles, yet is so different from the other.

Makes me marvel about how God created each of us with so much and love and care and with an individuality of our own.

Three Wishes

Yesterday's story was 'Three Wishes'.

There was this old man and his wife sitting around the fire one cold evening talking about how life was tough and how they wished a fairy would appear and grant them some wishes. And lo, there appeared a fairy and told them, "Well, I'll grant you three wishes and not one more nor one less. Be careful what you wish for, for you won't get it back again. The story goes on as usual about how they wasted the wishes on something silly etc. etc.

After the session is over,

"Georgie, if you had three wishes what would you wish for?"

Pat came the reply, "Money" (omg, have we created a monster? ok, leave it for now, will come back to it later)

"The second one?"

"I want to be a Power Ranger"

"Third?"

"I want to be Aaron Stone*"

Thank God, he is still a 7 year old boy at heart.

Now back to the first question, "Why would you wish for money, don't you want to study well?"

"If I have money, can't I study well?"

"It does not work out that way. If you have money and not educated and wise(he is too young to know that the two need not necessarily go hand in hand. anyway..), money will be of no use. See, your achachan and amma studied well and that's how we got good jobs and we have money now."

"But whenever I ask for certain things, you say we don't have money for that. That's why I wished for money"

Uh Oh!!

(*for those of you who don't have kids, Aaron Stone is an action series aired on Jetix. It is about a teenaged boy who takes up the role of his favorite video game character to protect his family)

Friends and Friendships

Preethi's post about friends set me thinking again about friends and friendships. She has mentioned about different kinds - ones you can't live without, ones you can live without and the ones whom you should live without.

What happens when a friend whom you thought is for life, one day turns out to be someone you should avoid?

I have noticed that as you grow old, you just don't feel like taking that extra effort to make and maintain friendships. If you find someone whom you like, good for you. If you find someone who is on the same wavelength, better still. And if you find someone as crazy or even crazier than you, it is nothing short of a lottery.

She was someone like that. We gauged each other intially, made some small talk for days. Both of us do not remember when we actually started hitting it off. She could find a joke in anything or anyone. I was like the sister she never had, or so she claimed. For me she was a gift straight from God in a new place and through some of the most difficult times in my life. Even after moving to another place, we called each other to talk about the silliest of and the most serious of things. I have discussed things in my life with her which I've never told anyone before or after.

One day, I get to know just by chance, that behind my back, she is someone else. And she betrayed my faith in the cruelest of ways.

It's been more than two years now, I have not been able to talk about it with anyone and I still cannot. While going through the contact list on my phone, I have thought about deleting her name many times, but always decided against. Probably because the good times we have spent with each other were too many. Did it yesterday, finally.

The most beautiful feeling in the world!

Father and son normally bonds over 'Autocar' every night. Yesterday it was an Audi Q7. The fact there was one of these chasing us last week on our way back from Kochi added more interest to it. I pretended to be asleep listening to their conversation.
"Achacha, can we buy an Audi Q7 next?"
"It's very expensive, mone. Only people like film stars and big businessmen can afford it."
Son, after thinking for a while,"You are not good looking, so you cannot be a film star. Amma is beautiful, we can ask her to act in movies and get her to buy one!"
I shot up from the bed and hugged my son tight. Who else but a 7 year old can think that his fat old mother is beautiful enough to be a film star?
Got him an extra 'Kinderjoy' today :-)

After an year and a city away

A Christmas and an Easter have gone by since I posted my last blog. Life has gone through so many twists and turns and a very painful loss over this period. And here I am in Bangalore, after four years.

My friends back in Kochi keeps asking 'How is Bangalore?" What do I say, "Ok", "Good", "Crowded", "Colourful"? I guess, it is a mixture of everything. The one thing I love absolutely about the city - its trees. They are so divine. In Cubbon Park, you can't see the sun, they form a benevolent canopy over you. In Lal Bagh, you see them all shapes and sizes, the trunk of one is almost as big as our apartment. And the ones that line the roads, they are such a pleasure. I particularly love the ones in Jaya Nagar. In the busier parts of the city, there is a stretch on the old airport road where you are suddenly transported into a surreal world you almost don't hear the incessant honking from the drivers behind you.

Then there is the shopping (can you see that excited and wicked gleam in my eyes?). I am a compulsive shopper and ardent mall-o-maniac. Every road you take, there is a mall and there is some sale or other going on. The little bit of bank balance that I have dwindles day by day, but who cares!

The best part about the city - the people. Don't raise your eyebrows. No one cares what you do and how you look. Absolute "bindaas" is the way to be here. Walk around in your pajamas right out of your bed, no one bothers. Maybe the only thing that might get a second look might be a two-piece bikini. Sometimes I wonder about that too.

Yes, the weather too. Extremely hot during day, you feel as if you are roasted alive, dry. The slight breeze that comes in every evening is heavenly, especially after the sultry Kochi evenings.

Not everything is picture perfect and hunky dory, but today I am in a mood for good things only. And I promise myself to blog more often.

Dear Santa

A message forwarded from one mother to another. The Post Script is the best.

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother,"because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don' t catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM...

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my request s if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

A new breed

The world of mobile phones jumped into our lives just about a decade ago. The ubiquitous accessory that it is today was a luxury in those not too far off days. I had joined the booming telecom industry in those earlier days itself. A cosmopolitan work culture right here in the orthodox malayali land was too good to resist. The crowd was very young, right from the Circle Head down. Majority of them were Keralites who had been out of Kerala and now back home. A malayali who has been out of his homeland is a reformed person and it was pure fun working with them. Left the organization seven years back, but has been in touch with many of them, not in the least due to the fact that my husband still works there.

The past few years have seen many of them moving back out of Kerala. The reason, as always, lack of growth opportunities here. It is simple – “You need to move up? Get Out.” The higher you go, the pressure is even high. Unless you move on, the ones below cannot come up. Where do these constant moves leave the wives and kids? Earlier, the answer was easy – the pack followed the leader. Things, they definitely are changing now.

S, my ex- colleague V’s wife has a well-established consultancy in Cochin. They had been here for almost a decade. Then came the end of the ladder for V and he decided to move to Bangalore. S was excited that she could open another office there. Before the family could join him, came another move for V, this time to Mumbai. After much deliberation and visits to Mumbai, S has decided to stay back. I talked to her a few weeks ago. Her reasoning is simple “I worked so hard for this. How can I just leave it all and go? Maybe I can do something like this there too. But again, that will be from scratch. And what is the guarantee he won’t move somewhere else soon?” Her parents are dead against her decision, but she has decided to give it a try. So S with two kids here and V visiting them every weekend.

Then there is J and his wife S. He had at least five moves in the three years I worked with him. S was a kindergarten teacher who just adored kids. Just as she got comfortable in a school, a move would happen to J. She tagged along wherever he went. Then came a five-year stint in Cochin again. S did some professional courses and is established in her work today. And then the inevitable happened. But S has decided to stay back. Their only son started his professional course and he is somewhere else. Theirs is a truly national family now. Father, mother and son in three different states.

We met H and his wife R yesterday. Yes, H will also be on the move soon. R says, if she can manage to get a long leave, she’ll go. Resign?, no way. Again, it will be R and kids here and H elsewhere.

A new breed of women is emerging here. Maybe in the metros they have already been there for long. This is a new class, who knows their mind and is ready to follow their heart and intellect, striking a balance between their dreams and that of their family. They work, not because they have to, but because they want to. Maybe they have realized that “you can make those around you happy only if you are happy with yourself”.

I for one, know it for a fact.

Back into the Night

Except for a few nocturnal souls like me, almost everyone has a skeptical look on their face when I tell them my work timings – four in the evening to one in the night. For me, nothing could have been better. I don’t have much to complain about my health, my wealth is limited to my friends and family and I hope age will make me wiser. No point being early to bed and early to rise just to make me healthy, wealthy and wise.

Even I was a little apprehensive when I started these timings two years back. But my logic was simple. When my son started school, I wanted to be with him for a few days, get him ready in the morning without me also being in a hurry and be there when he got back from school. And whenever he had some programme in school, I did not want to choose between a deadline at work and my anxious son at school. As an added bonus, after a few hours sleep in the morning, I would have plenty of time for shopping or whatever I wanted to do. The fact that I was lucky enough to get an excellent maid has also helped me no end. (All of us workingwomen are so much dependent on them, I need to write another post on this).

It has worked out pretty well for both of us. Now with another baby, the questions started nagging me much before she was even born. Knowing me, my managers had told me just to get back and they would work out the most convenient timings and project for me. Kept my fingers crossed till Naomi was born. And everyone kept telling me the second child would be exact opposite of the first one. Georgie was a very calm baby and as long as his stomach was happy he would also be happy. So, there I was, expecting a thunderstorm in my hand every night. The first few days were kind of peaceful. Now everyone said you would know the real nature of the baby after the first week. To cut a long story short, she has been as calm as her brother till now, thank God and touch wood. By the second month, I had decided to give the same timing a try.

Got back to work a week ago. Naomi had absolutely no issues. She had got used bottle-feed in a week, had started solids also, so food was not an issue, neither was sleep. In two days I could make out, she would not be a trouble to anyone. She would be awake in the mornings and I could get some relaxing time, feeding, bathing and playing with her.

But me at work was another matter altogether. Eight months of sleep whenever and wherever I felt like had made me a sleepaholic. One hour at my desk and I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was a walking zombie. Next day, or should I say night, was no better. My two friends who just couldn’t wait for me to get back was like, hey, what is wrong with you, you are not the same anymore. At 11 the following day, one of my team members told me very quietly, “Bindu, carrying you is not an easy proposition, so why don’t you just go to some corner and catch a few winks”.


I was getting jittery but by Thursday things started getting better. I guess it was just my 'old' body getting back intoa forgotten rhythm. By Friday, it was the same old me. So here I am, back in the graveyard shift again and enjoying it thoroughly.

To be or not to be

Another four days and I'll be back to work after eight months. I still do not know how I got through the first five months – hospital, bed rest, back pain – was literally counting the minutes and hours as it went by. And, I do not know how the last three also went off, it was as if everything was on fast forward mode. Can’t believe Naomi is three months already.

Almost everyone who knew me years back took me to be this fiercely ambitious, highly competitive, hard-nosed career woman. The decision to take a break from work after marriage came as a shock even to my family. I could never imagine having to compromise either at work or at home. So I thought, ok, one thing at a time, let me see how things go. Basked in the newfound freedom for the first six months. Then started the boredom, then frustration. Before I could go mad, my son came. The following two years just whizzed past me.

Once he turned a year old, started working part time. A small CA firm, I could come and go as I pleased, just needed to put in four hours a day somehow and the proprietor could boast of a qualified person on his rolls. Worked out fine for both of us. Work was no great shakes, not that I expected it to be, it was something to get out of the house and meet some people.

Then came the shift to northern end of Kerala and a year of absolute frustration. Couldn’t imagine working in another small town firm. But there were plenty of apprehensions about a full time job as well. Did not want to compromise on my son’s happiness. That is when the BPO idea started taking root. Get something where I could work at night, and I get to spend time with him. After months of search and several interviews, got something I liked first in Bangalore and then shifted to Kochi. It has worked out pretty well for both of us.

Now, the same doubts and questions go through my mind when I think of leaving my baby at home. Will she miss me, am I being to fair to such a small thing, the apprehensions never end. The look of absolute dejection on her face as I try to get her used to bottle-feed is tugging at my heart throughout. She starts with a small wail, gulps in a few drops, barely enough to satisfy her hunger and then starts the vociferous protest. But slowly, I can see her getting used to it, as if she realizes she has no choice.

Should I take another break? After the first break it took me almost two years to find something, which suited mine and my family’s needs. It was not a perfect solution, but the best compromise that I could make. A fine balance between what I wanted professionally and personally. If I take another break now, it will be even more difficult to get back, and before long I would have passed that fine threshold between youth and middle age. But what about my baby, how will it affect her?

Career woman with no thoughts other than work, full time home maker, working part time, doing something on my own, balancing act between work and family – been through it all. Not doing something makes me an absolute grouch and it will rub on to the kids also. And I realize this is the best I can do. There is someone to look after the kids, I have a somewhat flexible work schedule and a five-day week. And I get time to spend with my baby during the day.

I realize this is something each working mother goes through every day of her life. At least I have been blessed with so many things. A good maid, my in-laws at home to oversee her and if needed, an option to quit and be a full time mom again. There are so many out there who have to work, come what may, leaving their kids at someone else’s mercy, struggling to make both ends meet. Let me be thankful for what I have and do the best I can.